Paula is off at the Couple’s Conference this week (see our earlier blog if you don’t know what that is) so I thought it was a good time for me (Nic) to confess. Sometimes I do bad therapy – I make mistakes and do things that are not good for the client. Yet I am frequently … Read more
In the second of two blogs reporting on Ellyn Bader’s recent therapist workshop on Confrontation, Paula offers an in-depth and advanced exploration of a very common issue for couples: In the workshop Ellyn showed us how to skilfully challenge subtle (and not so subtle) patterns of symbiotic regression which prevent couples from continuing relational development. She … Read more
Recently Dr Ellyn Bader presented an online therapist workshop on Confrontation. In this she described “the how, the when and the what” of using confrontation skilfully in couple therapy. Here’s Paula’s report on the training Essentially the technique (or HOW) of therapeutic confrontation involves being able to help each partner see which specific aspect of … Read more
We are fond of telling our clients that they way we destroy our relationships is that “we protect ourselves out of them”. When we can’t find a way to soothe our own hurts and settle our feelings, we remain reactive, aroused, defensive, guarded, shut down and withdrawn. When we feel threatened we are far more … Read more
Have you ever been sitting in the room with a couple and they are both looking at YOU to take charge of their relationship. Their lack of motivation for creating change seems to suck the air out of the room. While there may be a role for the therapist to take charge right at the … Read more
As I journeyed through my career as a psychologist working with relationships I struggled to find ongoing professional development targeted specifically to this client group. I ventured locally, nationally and even internationally to find conferences, workshops and online training that could enhance my work. I was hungry to find a community of like minded … Read more
Recently Nic and I had the pleasure of holding the first Australasian Training for the Developmental Model here in Auckland. We had a heart-warming response to this inaugural “event”. As we reflected on the experience, it drew to mind the importance of the first session; that unique opportunity to make a significant connection with and … Read more
You can hear them arguing in the waiting room before you set eyes on them. Sometimes they just blindly continue their fighting as they walk through your door and take a seat, without even stopping to say hello. This kind of scenario puts a lot of people off working with couples. And those fears are … Read more
Relationship difficulties are a major reason people seek therapy, whether as individuals or couples. And when they get good help, they talk about it. Word of mouth still remains the best advertising for our sort of business. Having a clear framework to approach relationship issues, one that gives your clients a fresh perspective, sensible explanations and new strategies to … Read more
At the end of one of his presentations at the Couples Conference in Manhattan Beach, California last month, Pete Pearson literally performed a magic trick turning a business card into a flower. But far more impressive was when he showed us how to use “four little words” to transform almost any hostile statement into something that … Read more