SUPPORTING TRANSFORMATION FROM A SILENT DANCE TO AN HONEST ASK Experienced couple therapists know that “communication problems” are almost never the real problem. Formulating within the Developmental Model allows us to identify where each partner is held up in their relational development. People who say “we can’t communicate” are often holding onto lifelong symbiotic fantasies … Read more WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN CLIENTS SAY “WE CAN’T COMMUNICATE”?
In talking with clients, have you ever noticed people describing their partner (or themselves) as “needy” or “demanding”? They complain about pressure for (or a lack of) affection, sex, attention, talk etc. Yet our culture idealises the notion of needing your partner. “I need you” is generally offered up in a movie or book as the … Read more Using the important difference between “need” & “want”
As I journeyed through my career as a psychologist working with relationships I struggled to find ongoing professional development targeted specifically to this client group. I ventured locally, nationally and even internationally to find conferences, workshops and online training that could enhance my work. I was hungry to find a community of like minded … Read more Did you know that a conference dedicated to Relationship Therapy exists?
You can hear them arguing in the waiting room before you set eyes on them. Sometimes they just blindly continue their fighting as they walk through your door and take a seat, without even stopping to say hello. This kind of scenario puts a lot of people off working with couples. And those fears are … Read more Shifting from Conflict to Connection: Case study of a Hostile Angry Couple.
At the end of one of his presentations at the Couples Conference in Manhattan Beach, California last month, Pete Pearson literally performed a magic trick turning a business card into a flower. But far more impressive was when he showed us how to use “four little words” to transform almost any hostile statement into something that … Read more A magic trick you can use at work or at home
There is a common experience all therapists encounter, no matter the sexual orientation or gender of the person or couple: A person describing their partner (or themselves) as “needy” or demanding. They complain about pressure for (or a lack of) affection, sex, attention, talk etc. Yet our culture idealises the notion of needing your partner. “I need … Read more Why “I need you” is a deeply unsexy sentiment
1. Talking about content not process How a couple talk to each other and treat each other IS their relationship. That’s what we need to help them focus on. Typically couples get into conflict about predictable areas – money, sex, parenting, boundaries, time use (too much time at work or a hobby, not enough time on domestic … Read more Five Things Guaranteed to Fail in Couples Work