In the Developmental Model we use a deceptively simple tool called the Paper Exercise to help assess the developmental level of clients. Using a “projective” technique, we deliberately set up a conflict between a couple and observe how they deal with it. Although it’s an artificial situation we set up, it’s usually a pretty good … Read more
Adult attachment is different from infant attachment. We need to learn how to balance dependence and autonomy.
The Developmental Model outlines 5 stages that people grow through in the course of a long-term relationship The secong of these stages is “Differentiating” and this is the place that so many of our clients are stuck at. They cling on, unconsciously but desperately, to the fantasy of fusion, of “the two becoming one”, and … Read more
SUPPORTING TRANSFORMATION FROM A SILENT DANCE TO AN HONEST ASK Experienced couple therapists know that “communication problems” are almost never the real problem. Formulating within the Developmental Model allows us to identify where each partner is held up in their relational development. People who say “we can’t communicate” are often holding onto lifelong symbiotic fantasies … Read more
In talking with clients, have you ever noticed people describing their partner (or themselves) as “needy” or “demanding”? They complain about pressure for (or a lack of) affection, sex, attention, talk etc. Yet our culture idealises the notion of needing your partner. “I need you” is generally offered up in a movie or book as the … Read more
You can hear them arguing in the waiting room before you set eyes on them. Sometimes they just blindly continue their fighting as they walk through your door and take a seat, without even stopping to say hello. This kind of scenario puts a lot of people off working with couples. And those fears are … Read more
Relationship difficulties are a major reason people seek therapy, whether as individuals or couples. And when they get good help, they talk about it. Word of mouth still remains the best advertising for our sort of business. Having a clear framework to approach relationship issues, one that gives your clients a fresh perspective, sensible explanations and new strategies to … Read more
There is a common experience all therapists encounter, no matter the sexual orientation or gender of the person or couple: A person describing their partner (or themselves) as “needy” or demanding. They complain about pressure for (or a lack of) affection, sex, attention, talk etc. Yet our culture idealises the notion of needing your partner. “I need … Read more