In my last blog I stressed the importance of focusing on the meanings people make of the formative events in their upbringing. The meanings that their child-brain make of their experiences is what forms someone’s core insecurities (a.k.a. shame, core negative beliefs, old stories, ….). And those insecurities are the origin of most of our … Read more
Hopefully, your clients are familiar with the notion that when we act on our self-protective impulses, we invariably behave in ways that are damaging to our relationship. That’s why in the DM we call these “ineffective self-protective behaviours”. We all have them and will do them reflexively when feeling threatened in some way. When I … Read more
Dear colleagues We know the therapeutic relationship is at the heart of our effectiveness. Yet when working via video conference, it can be hard maintaining a strong sense of connection with your clients. Here’s a tip from my misspent youth that night help… When I was an actor working in theatres I was taught that … Read more
SUPPORTING TRANSFORMATION FROM A SILENT DANCE TO AN HONEST ASK Experienced couple therapists know that “communication problems” are almost never the real problem. Formulating within the Developmental Model allows us to identify where each partner is held up in their relational development. People who say “we can’t communicate” are often holding onto lifelong symbiotic fantasies … Read more